My Bubbe Made a Kishka

Summer at Kutsher's Country Club: Constipation Camp

"Nice purse, ladies, you got some Danish in there?"

"Do you believe in sex before marriage? I don't, it holds up the wedding."

"I think about suicide a lot. My final quest is to get on the Letterman show and then I'll have nothing to live for."

"You're so sweet that you could give a man diabetes."

"Alfred Silverman to the front desk. Alfred Silverman to the front desk."

"You're a nice advertisement for Kutsher's food. You're eating like you're going to the electric chair."

"How did Captain Hook die? He had jock itch and scratched himself with the wrong hand."

"I like to frustrate spoiled Jewish kids. They all think they're so smart but no one ever lasts a minute."

From the Catskills' Last House Jester, Kosher Corn [NY Times]
Related: Henny Youngman MP3
Note: Three of the above quotes from the article aren't actual jokes. Of course, they're the only funny ones.