Highway to Helmetta

This also serves as my birthday counter and at the rate I've been eating lately it's likely I'll explode at 00:00:00:00. I'm renting a fully catered party bus to Atlantic City for the occasion.

It will be packed with winners and losers, sinners and users, fried chicken and coffee, no-look passes and champagne glasses, clams on the half-shell and prayers under a full moon, rabbinical supervision and high-def television, the Mr. T Experience and the women who love them, hand soap boxers and foot fetish players, unrequited love drugs and unmitigated disaster zones, boiled beef and rotting teeth, Tony Orlando and Dawn, boys in wolf's clothing and girls who use coconut-scented shampoo.

Sign up now, best seats are in the back.