Calacanis the Menace (or "Mr. Wilson, someone took a crap in your backyard. Call customer service.")

I wanted to write a 1,000-word essay for this graphic because he's been on such a roll lately. I had it all mapped out in my head, from a parking lot in Bay Ridge to the Third Street Promenade, but I got stuck in a stubborn holding pattern. Over Dulles, I think.

Make no mistake though, I am unapologetically pro-Calacanis. 100 Percentamente. His word is near-gospel (do you think the initials JC are mere coincidence?) and reading his blog provides daily affirmation that if you want to walk on water, you can't be afraid to let go of the crutches and avoid higher ground.

Shamen or sham? Probably both.