The Bible Rewrite Project

The picture above has nothing to do with this chapter. It's just for the people who think that I chopped up a dog in the last episode of "Chop Chop". It was a CALF, y'all!! Didn't you hear all the cow puns from the narrators? Geez.

And now back to The Bible Rewrite Project...

NOTE: Original Text appears in Italics. Rewrite follows in Plain Text.

Genesis 11

The Tower At Babylon

And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar, and they dwelt there. And they said one to another, "Come, let us make bricks and burn them thoroughly." And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for mortar. And they said, "Come, let us build us a city and a tower whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth."

The Tower At Babylon

Now the whole earth spoke the same language with the same words. And as men traveled in the east, they found a valley in Shinar and made their home there. They said to one another, "Come, let's make blocks and burn them until they are hard." They used blocks for stone, and tar to hold them together. Then they said, "Come, let's build a city for ourselves, where we can make new animals with the canvases Nate has provided. In this city, we will place a tower that touches the Heavens. There any man or woman will be able to offer their creation to Nate. All they will have to do is climb the tower."

And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower which the children of men built. And the LORD said, "Behold, the people are one and they have all one language, and this they begin to do; and now nothing will be withheld from them which they have imagined to do. Come, let Us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech." So the LORD scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth; and they left off building the city. Therefore is the name of it called Babel [that is, Confusion], because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth; and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.

So the men built the tower all the way to the heavens just as they had dreamed. They wanted to consult with Nate, they wanted to challenge Nate, but most of all, they wanted to learn from Nate. The Creator appeared riding a new animal cloud and said, "Hello! It is wonderful that you, good people, have tried to reach the Heavens that I have created. You are trying to attain My greatness! This amuses me and I am impressed with your courage. Now, what new animals have your brought for me?" Nate looked at the bags full of new animals they brought and He offered His help with each one. After talking with Him, the people would rush back down the tower to incorporate Nate's suggestions. As the day closed, Nate said to all, "This is only the beginning of what you will do. Now, all you plan to do will be possible. I am proud of you. Thank you for your questions and your tributes. Keep working. You will get it right one day." The good people spread and cities grew in all parts of the world. In each, there was a tower like Babel. Thus forth, all men and women could ascend its steps and pay tribute to Nate or simply discuss, for a time, the techniques of creating new animals.

The Families After Shem

These are the generations of Shem: Shem was a hundred years old and begot Arphaxad two years after the flood; and Shem lived after he begot Arphaxad five hundred years, and begot sons and daughters. And Arphaxad lived five and thirty years and begot Salah; and Arphaxad lived after he begot Salah four hundred and three years, and begot sons and daughters. And Salah lived thirty years and begot Eber; and Salah lived after he begot Eber four hundred and three years, and begot sons and daughters. And Eber lived four and thirty years and begot Peleg; and Eber lived after he begot Peleg four hundred and thirty years, and begot sons and daughters. And Peleg lived thirty years and begot Reu; and Peleg lived after he begot Reu two hundred and nine years, and begot sons and daughters. And Reu lived two and thirty years and begot Serug; and Reu lived after he begot Serug two hundred and seven years, and begot sons and daughters. And Serug lived thirty years and begot Nahor; and Serug lived after he begot Nahor two hundred years, and begot sons and daughters. And Nahor lived nine and twenty years and begot Terah; and Nahor lived after he begot Terah one hundred and nineteen years, and begot sons and daughters. And Terah lived seventy years and begot Abram, Nahor, and Haran.

The Families After Shem

These are the children of Shem. When Shem had lived 100 years, he became the father of Arpachshad, two years after the flood. Shem lived 500 years after the birth of Arpachshad. He had other sons and daughters. When Arpachshad had lived thirty-five years, he became the father of Shelah. Arpachshad lived 403 years after the birth of Shelah. He had other sons and daughters. When Shelah had lived thirty years, he became the father of Eber. Shelah lived 403 years after the birth of Eber. He had other sons and daughters. When Eber had lived thirty-four years, he became the father of Peleg. Eber lived 430 years after the birth of Peleg. He had other sons and daughters. When Peleg had lived thirty years, he became the father of Reu. Peleg lived 209 years after the birth of Reu. He had other sons and daughters. When Reu had lived thirty-two years, he became the father of Serug. Reu lived 207 years after the birth of Serug. He had other sons and daughters. When Serug had lived thirty years, he became the father of Nahor. Se-rug lived 200 years after the birth of Nahor. He had other sons and daughters. When Nahor had lived twenty-nine years, he became the father of Terah. Nahor lived 119 years after the birth of Terah. He had other sons and daughters. When Terah had lived seventy years, he became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran.

Now these are the generations of Terah: Terah begot Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran begot Lot. And Haran died before his father Terah in the land of his nativity, in Ur of the Chaldeans. And Abram and Nahor took for themselves wives: the name of Abram's wife was Sarai, and the name of Nahor's wife, Milcah, the daughter of Haran, the father of Milcah, and the father of Iscah. But Sarai was barren; she had no child. And Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran his son's son, and Sarai his daughter-in-law, his son Abram's wife; and they went forth with them from Ur of the Chaldeans to go into the land of Canaan; and they came unto Haran and dwelt there. And the days of Terah were two hundred and five years, and Terah died in Haran.

Now these are the children of Terah. Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. And Haran became the father of Lot. Haran died with his father Terah beside him in the land of his birth, Ur of the Chaldeans. Abram and Nahor both married. The name of Abram's wife was Sarai. The name of Nahor's wife was Milcah, the daughter of Haran. Haran was the father of Milcah and Iscah. But Sarai could not give birth. She had no child. Terah took his son Abram, and his grandson Lot, the son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram and they went together from Ur of the Chaldeans to the land of Canaan. But when they went as far as Haran, they made their home there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Haran.