Waiting For The Great Link Forward
We are not immune from participating in frivolous annual holiday traditions. Who are we to argue the joys of smearing oneself head to toe with schmaltz and jumping into a bathos tub? It's that time of year when we take our bong-and-rants routine for a trip down Yankovic Lane. You might remember 2003's classic "Ron McDonald Had a LasagnaFarm" and "The Other Jimmy Page" East River ditty that closed out 2004 or hopefully at least last year's enhanced video edition, "Born on a Train to Auschwitz" - all of which were deleted days after being published. (Sorry, that's part of the tradition too.) This go around we flog our after grog bog and concede all bragging rights. Enjoy before we destroy the evidence. This is pretty fuckin' bad.
To the tune of Billy Bragg's "Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards"
[MP3 and original lyrics]
It may have been Spamalot for Nick and Elizabeth
On the Joe DiMaggio Highway filling up romans à clef.
Felix Salmon's sister spies a sparrow that is dying
Over taxidermy's disembodiment.
Coen glosses over facts she is denying
4 Times Square might sympathize with devils but I think that we should warn her
That ESPN Zone is just around the corner.
On a subway platform a photographer is blinded
By the resumption of picture banning and he is reminded
That Dr. Jonathan Zizmor's optimism fell
When Gothamist raised hell.
In the cheese-packed district the noise ends with a thud
It's the sound of Ian Spiegelman talking shit
And mocking up fake blood
And someone asking 21 questions they clearly didn't write.
Whither the 15 lame-filled minutes of the PDF-zine writer?
Mixing gossip and polemics we ask you what the fuck is
The deal with the embarrassment of "who wrote what" excuses.
While blocking my Dodgeball coordinates
From wherever Brian Van is waiting
I'm looking for the great link forward.
Juggling staffers are re-organized and domain names have been posted
Even after closing titles there's a gay man getting toasted
You can stick out with the sycophants
Or sleep off the hangovers
While you're waiting for the great link forward.
One Lock forward, two looks back
Will Julia Allison get with Sac?
Here comes John Carney and you can't run from him
If you've got an AA list I want to be his plus one.
I'm a mighty long way down your blogroll
From TOP to the cops drawing blanks on the droll.
If no one out there gets the gist
Fill your own prescription and cut out the pharmacist.
In a perfect world we'd all blog like TAN
But this is reality, I'm whiter than Wham!
So join this mugging while you may
The revolution died with t-muffle away.
(Hook me up, Bucky!)
To the tune of Billy Bragg's "Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards"
[MP3 and original lyrics]
It may have been Spamalot for Nick and Elizabeth
On the Joe DiMaggio Highway filling up romans à clef.
Felix Salmon's sister spies a sparrow that is dying
Over taxidermy's disembodiment.
Coen glosses over facts she is denying
4 Times Square might sympathize with devils but I think that we should warn her
That ESPN Zone is just around the corner.
On a subway platform a photographer is blinded
By the resumption of picture banning and he is reminded
That Dr. Jonathan Zizmor's optimism fell
When Gothamist raised hell.
In the cheese-packed district the noise ends with a thud
It's the sound of Ian Spiegelman talking shit
And mocking up fake blood
And someone asking 21 questions they clearly didn't write.
Whither the 15 lame-filled minutes of the PDF-zine writer?
Mixing gossip and polemics we ask you what the fuck is
The deal with the embarrassment of "who wrote what" excuses.
While blocking my Dodgeball coordinates
From wherever Brian Van is waiting
I'm looking for the great link forward.
Juggling staffers are re-organized and domain names have been posted
Even after closing titles there's a gay man getting toasted
You can stick out with the sycophants
Or sleep off the hangovers
While you're waiting for the great link forward.
One Lock forward, two looks back
Will Julia Allison get with Sac?
Here comes John Carney and you can't run from him
If you've got an AA list I want to be his plus one.
I'm a mighty long way down your blogroll
From TOP to the cops drawing blanks on the droll.
If no one out there gets the gist
Fill your own prescription and cut out the pharmacist.
In a perfect world we'd all blog like TAN
But this is reality, I'm whiter than Wham!
So join this mugging while you may
The revolution died with t-muffle away.
(Hook me up, Bucky!)
