Mohney Changes Everything

Chris Mohney, Gawker's managing editor and YM's lone peddling audience member (don't be fooled by all the aliases he uses here, the guy's tearing up the comments field like he's on a 20-seater), gets justifiably worried when we dip below our Gawker reference quota for the day. Hell, I even hired more farmhands to make sure my flatulence-pending milking formula is processed with assembly-line efficiency through rain, F-train, sleestack, Slate or snowmobile attack. It's a risky operation that requires supply meeting demand at least halfway without the use of clumsy price controls, lest the elasticity of my boxer briefs starts to expand unfavorably. Sorry, we don't have the time to slow-churn this stuff for fewer calories.

Chris understands the chicken/egg problem better than anyone. He both lays and eats them, though it's unclear which one he considers the "business end." He also knows one would not subsist without the other. It's that whole Yin and Weltanschauung tattooed across the knuckles of his hands thing. Which brings me to an apology of sorts - "99," I once told you to lay off the gaw-gaw girls when posting on YM because it seemed unfair. Or rather, I was given something like a lecture how it was unfair and then passed the message on to you. But the point is the same. Fight the real enemy. Mohney. He's ruined that site more than a thousand Brian Van photo-ops and special features that feature damb ussholes. It's his hen house and his failure to clean up all the shit. He even took the cock out of Balk's walk, btw, though I assume the masterful control of cringe reflex is something he's built up a tolerance for over the years.

Mohney, listen up, we're putting you on SuicideWatch. We'll need an alibi when we kill you.

Previously: TOP Classic Edition - 1/16/04