The Bad Humor Man

People often ask me, "How do you, Citizen Blogger, get such amazing scoops?" Well, it's not hard really and the science is rudimentary. First I run my hands under scolding hot water for roughly 30 minutes. (Don't be fooled, there's no numbing and it doesn't get any easier after the first 5. If you can manage to wiggle a toe into a light socket at the same time, that might help.) Now with those raw sonic-boom-burger dripping flesh hooks, I dig right into the cool stuff: batch-processing bland item gossip buckets of chum chocolate, mostly vanilla, and a little pistachio. The whole order usually melts before I even get a chance to sprinkle with my special sauce. Some like it lukewarm, I guess. Here's a taste.

Later: Help Wanted
Much later: Curbed Expansion