A torrent of light into our dark world

Oh, what have we wrought!? My heart was fashioned to be susceptible of love and sympathy, and when wrenched by misery to vice and hatred, it did not endure the violence of the change without torture such as you cannot even imagine. For solace, I turned to my wife, who, through her knowledge of alchemy and witchcraft had first brought the creature to life, and asked her, darling, what was it like in the beginning, before ignorant man in his pride of wisdom ruined what could have been a triumphant creation. She spoke thusly:

"It was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally against the panes, and my candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open . . ."

Dear reader, if only you could have been there as Blogger sputtered to life, a creation at once unbelievable and inevitable. A cry into the wilderness, a rebuttal to the abyss. It would change the world for the better. It would be greeted by the global villagers not with pitchforks and torches, but with laptops and open arms. This monster would gather us up into a virtual embrace.

And so it was...for a time. And then Jack Valenti died and ruined everything. Just like he did the movies.

And now the global villagers turn on the monster, twisting its noble nature into something cruel and ugly. It doesn't know its own strength, it only sees good in the world, yet is easily swayed. It didn't mean to throw that little girl down the well. And so the monster staggers back to its creator, beaten and worn, yes, but even more disturbing, cynical and snarky. And it pains me, dear readers, to see it like this. I'm sorry, I can't go on. Sitting on my ass surfing the internet all day is trying. You wouldn't understand.