Sweater Weather

The promise of truly "wired" home appliances goes back to the 90s when a web-enabled refrigerator seemed like a good and plausible idea - though it goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway, all web-enabled ideas back then were good and plausible. So how many people are using them today? I have no idea, but let's go with two and one of them is Mark Cuban who stores it with cold hard cash and chocolate bars. When the mobile bug attacked, Internet mortality rates would forever be changed and some dreamed of SMS as the on/off switch to our lives. Or maybe they didn't, revisionist history is a convenient prop.

This brings me to the current problem: it's fuckin' hot outside. I sweat so much I take cold showers in the winter to keep my body temperature down. When summertime rolls, I concede all effort and play the part of a grown man skipping over lawn sprinklers and past the spray of fire hydrants. After a long day at work where I am forced to sit in a bucket of ice water, I would prefer to walk into a comfortably pre-adjusted apartment. I am not person who one would say is "like clock-work" so a timer-enabled appliance is not ideal. For the third consecutive summer I have asked Dennis "Mr. MoSoSo" Crowley to mod my air conditioner so I can remotely control it by phone. I get a "busy" signal from him every time. What I want is to be able to send a text message when I'm about 15 minutes from home to turn on my AC. I will demonstrate.

The commute home. I am probably playing Zuma here but I will pause the game to text my AC unit, "Hey chillax, start revving at the spirit of 71."


"Certainly sir, today was a scorcher. I almost leapt from this edge of despair onto the midget fortune teller."


Good times at YM HQ, relaxing coolly with the fam.