Shoot TAM E. Fray Messenger

I was alerted to this online crash scene by an email with the subject "Spiers" and an epigrammatical bullseye dangling from the message dartboard:

This makes me hate America.

Later, a follow-up was delivered with a high-five and Guinness moustache:

...hahaha

Seriously, she should hang it up.

I read it, as I do with anything concerning Elizabeth Spiers these days, with sadness so great and heavy that I was caught off balance and fell backwards a couple of years. I pity the woman, I really do. I used to protect her in these situations but for a small town church-raised Alabama native, she has a surprising lack of humility. (Is that a stereotype? Thanks for paying attention.) I'm tempted to report her to the Department of Homeland Embarrassment.

In short, if you haven't read it, the Legally Bland Spiers now deems herself an expert on international travel because her "boyfriend" is a travel writer (btw, a normal person would have written, "I happened to be traveling with a long-time travel writer..." but I guess she wanted to give the piece a bloggy touch? and is she still dating dudes twice her age and desperate enough to find her interesting?) and based solely on the poor customer service they encountered on a recent trip they took to Brazil, she declared TAM airlines to be the worst in the world - and oh yeah, to those people who just died on TAM, "MWAHAHAHA, I TOLD YOU SO!!" You have to read it yourself, it's really quite unbelievable.

It follows a pattern of every conversation she's ever had: "This happened. I know Michael Jackson. One time an important editor said to me. I wasn't surprised by this. Because I'm smarter than you are."

But my initial impression was less concerned about her obnoxious and uninformed positions than the truly awful writing the piece exhibits. (This is where we separate the journalists from the bloggers and she's not even competent enough to be the latter.) Shame on Slate for publishing an anecdotal piece of crap that struggles to be overly assertive and authoritative with opinion in an attempted ambush to appear factual. I am surprised whenever she is bylined anywhere but I guess it's entirely possible she gets pitches accepted solely on the basis of her ancient blog history and current pathetic spectacle status. Editors must take her on with the expectation that she'll dutifully perform her role as the carnival clown in a dunking booth. Step right up, folks, throw a rock at the paper tiger and remember, no run-ons or editing with scissors!

There is no need for me to supply the attack points since the Slate commenters justifiably, almost religiously, rip her to shreds.

Is this journalism?

Teen Writing

World's Worst Writer

Author misguided and I hope not a journalist

Slate Should Know Better Than to Print This

This looks like a piece written by an immature teenager girl with no knowledge at all about the aviation industry and with dramatic personal experiences that nobody cares. Her writing is irresponsible and malicious. It is also disrespectful to the employees of TAM and the victims of the recent tragedy. This type of writing would fit more for a sensationalistic magazine that covers nonsense things like the celebrity gossip. I hope for Ms. Spiers to remove this article and in the future write only responsibly and with regard of others.

There are over 100 similar sentiments and they get to the actual specifics of the issues, but hold on to your Caipirinhas a little longer, this turns into a multi leg-up trip. She characteristically (meaning awkwardly) responds in the worst possible way. No apology, refusal to reverse course, arrogant (and ignorant) as hell. Not surprisingly, the commenters manage to rip those shreds to shreds. The shredding reiterations continue until we're left with an army of dust mites fighting a division process called binary confusion. Advances in nano technology are not yet adequate to simulate the kind of shredding scenario witnessed in this discussion.

If anything sums up Elizabeth Spiers as a person, it has to be this remark:

I really have no response to people who presume to understand more about my personal motivations than I do. If you want to read something ludicrous and implausibly evil into what I said, I can't stop you, nor am I inclined to. You don't know me, and even if you did, you wouldn't be in a position to assert that you somehow know better than I do what I "really" meant by it.

Ahhh, that old peg? Sounds so familiar. Somewhere Jesse Oxfeld is smiling. I know I am.

I could end with my own TAM experience in February 2002 when I flew to Sao Paulo from Quito, Ecuador via Lima, Peru and had to buy a one-way domestic ticket to Salvador de Bahia upon arrival at the airport. Not really knowing what to do and without a lick of Portuguese other than obrigado, I approached a TAM counter because they looked the friendliest (ok, hottest) and it couldn't have been a more painless or pleasant process. Booked, boarded and served a full meal on the roughly (rather, I should say "smoothly") 2 hour flight north. But, you know, I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea and think that was a "typical" experience or anything.

P.S. Will Alex Balk and Rachel Sklar, Spiers Apologist #1 and #2, chime in with a laughable defense? If this was an "insensitive" act on the part of Gothamist, Alex would be breaking out his capoeira moves by now.