The Ins-and-Outs of Garbage

As mentioned earlier, we were asked to come up with the definitive Gawker Media valuation. That's easy. While we can't show you the somersaulting space-suited monkeys under the hood, nor are we allowed to reveal how we procured a 3-D histogram in smell-o-vision of Barry Diller's cum breath, the price tag is $16 billion. Blueball value.

More than anything, this makes it easier to demand the money that Nick Denton owes me. The man has plenty to share and it's time he gives back to the city and community that put him on a Google map. Long ago, when blogs were written with mechanical pencils, I saddled three months of weekly data dumps on Gawker for which I never saw any compensation except an offer to edit Screenhead. Thanks. I estimate that value at $2000, at least, but all I ask for is a mere $200 contribution to YM's Donors Choose or NY Cares page (the latter being in honor of Molly Andrews-Krucoff, a noisy though lovable beagle who recently died from internal bleeding).

And Dobkin, you too. Based on the same valuation method I hinted at above, Gothamist must be worth $200 million and I never saw a 5-boroughed coin for the 100+ Q&As I did for you. Again, I never asked for or expected anything, Gage and I did it for the "love" (mostly of each other) but it's time to make a right turn on reading. Summer's almost over and NYC school kids need books and your help.

Sober point: Yes, I realize Denton and Dobkin won't budge but it doesn't hurt to make one more plea. I've asked them several times before to make a small donation in appreciation of past services and each time they've refused. Shameful.

UPDATE: This post was obviously missing another vocally-impaired J Church song. "Part of the Problem" from The Precession Of Simulacra / The Map Precedes The Territory.