Bible Rewrite Project (improved)

Main points of my re-written (Genesis 1-2):

1. Heaven is the place where the grandest animals are sewn together.

2. Before animals or man existed on earth, Nate created seeds that grew animal parts from them.

3. Nate took these parts growing from the plants and trees and sewed together the first animals of the earth.

4. Nate set these animals loose to reproduce. Yes, the sewn together animals can reproduce among by themselves.

5. Nate decreed that these first animals that He made are only prototypes. They are blank canvases for man to improvise upon.

6. Nate grew the first human being from the earth. The brain came from a flower. The arms and legs came from a tree trunk. Nate took these pieces and sewed them together to make the first human being. Then he breathed into its mouth and gave it life.

7. Nate took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to explore the possibilities of creation and make new animals. That was why Nate made man.

8. Adam was free to use any animal parts in the garden, but he was forbidden by Nate to sew animal parts from the tree of knowledge to his own body.

9. To make a helper for Adam, Nate sewed all the animals we have today together from the animal parts that were scattered in the tress.

10. Adam could not find a suitable companion from the animals Nate made, so Adam made a companion from his own body with the help of Nate. The parts literally grew from Adams body after Nate put him in a deep sleep. When he awoke, Adam sewed the pieces together.


New main points from Genesis 3:

1. Nate made the serpent.

2. The serpent tells Eve that she will not die if she sews animal parts from the tree of knowledge onto herself. The serpent tells her that she will become like Nate if she does so, knowing good and evil. She believes him and sews a leopard tail onto her back. She gave walrus teeth to Adam who sewed them to his gums. They then lost their innocence and knew they were without clothes.

3. Nate punishes the snake for his trickery by making him the only
animal in the kingdom who will not be a canvas for man or woman to add limbs unto.

4. Nate punishes Adam by making his day to day work very hard.

And now back to The Bible Rewrite Project...

NOTE: Original Text appears in Italics. Rewrite follows in Plain Text.

Genesis 3

Man Does Not Obey God

Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, "Yea, hath God said, `Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden'?" And the woman said unto the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden, but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, `Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it,lest ye die.'"

Man Does Not Obey Nate

The snake was wickedly clever. He was more able to fool others than any animal which Nate had made. He said to the woman, "Did Nate say that you could not use the animal parts growing from the trees in the garden to make new animals?" The woman said, "We may use all the limbed fruit of the trees in the garden. But from the tree which is in the center of the garden, Nate has said, 'Do not sew those animal parts to your own body, or you will die.

And the serpent said unto the woman, "Ye shall not surely die; for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil." And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof and ate, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he ate. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves things to gird about.

But the snake said to the woman, "No, you can be sure that you will not die! For Nate knows that when you sew those parts to you body, your eyes will be opened and you will be like Nate, knowing good and evil." Then suddenly, the woman saw that from the tree of knowledge of good and evil hung parts that were a perfect fit for her body. They were pleasing to the eyes and could fill the desire of making one wise. So she took a leopard tail growing from the bottom branch and sewed it to her back. She found walrus teeth for her husband, and he sewed them to his gums. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were human and without clothes. So they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves clothing.

And they heard the voice of the LORD God, walking in the garden in the cool of the day. And Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. And the LORD God called unto Adam and said unto him, "Where art thou?" And he said, "I heard Thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself." And He said, "Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?" And the man said, "The woman whom Thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate." And the LORD God said unto the woman, "What is this that thou hast done?" And the woman said, "The serpent beguiled me, and I ate."

Then they heard the sound of Nate walking in the garden in the evening. The man and his wife hid themselves from Nate among the trees of the garden. But Nate called to the man. He said to him, "Where are you?" And the man said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden. I was afraid because I was without clothes. So I hid myself." Nate said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you sewn parts from the tree of which I told you not to sew? Have you sewed them to your body?" The man said, "The woman gave me walrus teeth off the tree, and I sewed them in my mouth." Then Nate said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" And the woman said, "The snake fooled me. That is why I did what I did."

And the LORD God said unto the serpent, "Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field. Upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life. And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her Seed; It shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise His heel."

Then Nate said to the snake, "Because you have done this, you will be hated and will suffer more than any cattle, and more than every animal in the field. From this day forward, you will be the only animal in My kingdom who will not be a canvas for man or woman to add limbs unto. You will be footless for the rest of your days. You will go on your stomach and you will eat dust all the days of your life. Man will crush your head, and you will crush his heel."

And unto Adam He said, "Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree of which I commanded thee, saying, `Thou shalt not eat of it,' cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life. Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee, and thou shalt eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread till thou return unto the ground, for out of it wast thou taken; for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return."

Then Nate said to Adam, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten from the tree of which I told you, "Do not eat," the ground will be cursed. By hard work you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will grow thorns and thistles for you. You will eat the plants of the field, but only from back breaking work. You will eat bread by the sweat of your face, until you return to the ground, because you were taken from the ground. You are dust, and to dust you will return."

And Adam called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. And Nate made clothes of animal skins for Adam and his wife and dressed them.

And the LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become as one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat and live for ever"-- therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the Garden of Eden to till the ground from whence he was taken. So He drove out the man; and He placed at the east of the Garden of Eden cherubims and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

Then Nate said, "See, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and bad. Now then, he might put out his hand to take from the tree of life also, and sew and live forever." So Nate sent him out from the garden of Eden, to work the ground from which he was taken. So He drove the man out. And He placed cherubim east of the garden of Eden with a sword of fire that turned every way. They kept watch over the path to the tree of life.