The Tumblr Is a Ass

I'm so bored with this tumblr rumbl and with all you bloviating kiddy-diddlers and your ad nauseam reblogging wannabe big-dick slinging. Let's get this over with already. I'm here to alienate you all. (Except for you, katiebakes, you can stay.)

Memo to the silk-rep halfwits: 1. Get back to me when you've read at least one book that isn't the Butt Magazine anthology (or Atlas Shrugged), 2. Your extensive knowledge of bugbears and goblinoids does not you an expert on what black people should think (oh...just go into the archives), and...well...2a. (and this doesn't technically count as it's not tumblr-related but I'm including it because I feel like it as I am an irrational female) If you're going to be mean don't be witlessly mean. And then apologize about it afterward.* (Denton made you do it? Jesus Christ, either grow a pair or put another log on the fucking fire. You can't thread a moving needle.)

And stop being mean to Krucoff in particular.** It might seem as though he enjoys the abuse--and he very well might; he actually sends out emails telling us who we aren't allowed to bait and/or lambaste for the week--but I'm beginning to find it a bit trop, so FYI: You fuck with Krucoff, you fuck with me, and if you fuck with me, you fuck with you. (What can I say? I feel a strange affection for him--not unlike that Downs kid I defended on the school bus in 4th grade.)

OK, moving on. I'm not averse to photos of cats, but just because you don't get a joke doesn't mean it makes no sense. Are you from Southern California or something?

I will have no truck with you, Mr. Counting Crows Fan and Straight-Theater-Guy, except to say that if you're a writer learn a) how to spell proper nouns and b) the difference between contractions and possessives. Oh, and, a lifestyle tip: Landmarc, IKEA: pick one, baby bourgeois.

*Not that we're kind around here; but at least we don't apologize for it after the fact. Unless the target was someone Krucoff wants to shtup, then we have to apologize.
**Well, not you Carney. But when you're in Brooklyn, you best watch your back. Just to be safe.