Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics

The YM hazing process isn't easy. Don't let them fool you: despite working strenuously to achieve the appearance of a leaky, chop-shopped oil tanker resting on its side in a sound full of infantile marine life, this m'fucka runs like the Red October, pinkos, steel, spitshine and all. The parts of the process I'm most gracious for - those that don't involve waking up at 4AM and bringing Dana her morning mason jar of freshly squeezed baby bile, or being 99's Maria Full Of Grace and smuggling Savannah Devil Weed up my ass through JFK (which, supposedly, is what makes it such a great high, but I think he's just telling me that to cheer me up) - are those in which they let me ruin the self-entrusted task of being our de facto Stat Boy. If you'll indulge me for a moment, the following are calculations based on counts made tonight which date back through the first of the month. I'm terrible at math and can't actually count past 14 reliably, so you're going to have to just go with it this time. Next time, if we remember, we'll plan for this kind of thing better.

States broadcast from this month: 5 (New York, California, Florida, Ohio, Illinois)

Emily Gould related Posts: 5 (12.5% of Blog Posts)
Emily Gould related Tumbls: 47 (14.239% of Tumblr Posts)

Number of Blog Posts: 40
Number of Tumblr Posts: 355
Number of Interoffice Emails*: 276

Recaps as Blog Posts: 6
YM "Overshares" in Recaps: 6 (99 Pisses In Bathtub, Fek Pukes, Fek Pukes Bile + Blood, Dana Shits Blood, Curt's Explains Funny Looking Penis During Brunch)

The "Who's self-employed, again?" Count:

Krucoff: 10
Curt: 10
Dana: 8
Fek: 6
99^: 5
Dash, Nate Hill, and Jackson also each knocked one in.

Krucoff Twitter Followers: 60/100.

Discernible Spurs Hyping (Left Side, Tumblr, and Backchannel): 8
Spurs-Lakers Game 5 Odds Before Tonight: Lakers -8, (Over/Under: 193.5)
Number of Curbside Dana-Beatings I'm Inevitably Going To Recieve For This: 100-92=8**.

*That more than two people were a part of, including myself. Mind you, I started on the 12th, and that's only the correspondence that I saw.
^Self-employed.
**But at least they didn't make the spread.

N.B. Corrections, tips, and suggestions for future statistical endeavors appreciated. However, inevitable "statistics" to arrive in the comments assaulting this post are probable, but due to the contrarian nature of those reading this post, less probable now than two lines ago. In short, so as to spoil your fun: I see it coming, Charlie. Hand over the Gobstopper, you little shithead.