No Respec: Your Garlic Is My Ennui
For those of you who haven't worked at the bottom of the boat in any media-related industry, you probably wouldn't be wise enough to be healthily paranoid of a very real Assistant Mafia out there watching your every move, waiting to not only report to their friends on the skid-marked Brooks Brothers you had them drop off at the cleaners, but to provide phonecam evidence of said trousers as well. This is the information age, and we need to know these kinds of things now. Hollywood, naturally, is one of these places. Not surprisingly, however, there's a shortage of information that should made readily available through conventional channels (i.e. blogs) because, in the business of show, from the bottom to the top, paranoia actually does reign supreme (paging Anthony Pellicano). So Hollywood assistants came up with what are called tracking boards - private message boards used to trade information that proves itself valuable to them: anything from exec gossip to early word on advancing deals to who's "tracking" what scripts, and what they think of them. Some of them you pay to get on, some of them you're inducted into (these are clearly the best kind).
Anyway. Much of what gets passed through these are the "spec" scripts of the day - scripts written on speculation of a sale - including information on the agent pimping it out, the production companies lugging it to the studios, information on the hack who wrote it, and, of course, the logline. Sometimes, based on the inane, two-line concept you just read, you think these things are being made up, because you really, really want them to be. Yet, they're not, and it tends to explain much of the failings of the film industry at large: many of these sell for high six-figures and beyond. Five loglines are below (with actual script titles): four of them are real, and recent. Spot the fake.
Logline: Romantic comedy about a pastry chef in New York who, upon the death of his kooky grandfather, learns the only way he can inherit the family's millions is to become a professional cowboy. Along the way he falls in love with his grandfather's attorney.
WINGMOM
Logline: A 20-something guy, on the rebound from a bad break-up, deals with the
extremely uncomfortable consequences that arise when his recently- divorced
mom takes it upon herself to be his new wing man.
STALKING SIMON LE BON
Logline: A group of high school kids sneak off on a road trip to a Duran Duran
concert without telling their parents.
Anyway. Much of what gets passed through these are the "spec" scripts of the day - scripts written on speculation of a sale - including information on the agent pimping it out, the production companies lugging it to the studios, information on the hack who wrote it, and, of course, the logline. Sometimes, based on the inane, two-line concept you just read, you think these things are being made up, because you really, really want them to be. Yet, they're not, and it tends to explain much of the failings of the film industry at large: many of these sell for high six-figures and beyond. Five loglines are below (with actual script titles): four of them are real, and recent. Spot the fake.
IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT
Logline: When a group of terrorists take over New York's hottest Moroccan restaurant, the mysterious new sous-chef's incredible secret starts to come out: not only is he a culinary genius, but a former al Qaeda operative as well. In the vein of AIRHEADS.
UNDYING LOVE
Logline: A former mercenary is on a journey with the woman he loves to cure her
of her vampirism. The only way to achieve this goal is to find the
vampire that sired her, one of the oldest vampires in China.
Logline: Romantic comedy about a pastry chef in New York who, upon the death of his kooky grandfather, learns the only way he can inherit the family's millions is to become a professional cowboy. Along the way he falls in love with his grandfather's attorney.
WINGMOM
Logline: A 20-something guy, on the rebound from a bad break-up, deals with the
extremely uncomfortable consequences that arise when his recently- divorced
mom takes it upon herself to be his new wing man.
STALKING SIMON LE BON
Logline: A group of high school kids sneak off on a road trip to a Duran Duran
concert without telling their parents.
