FYMTQ: Laura P. Soflux

I don't know what the hell has happened to the FYMTQ but someone please light a match. FAST. It appears we've lost focus in only the second week. First we featured a dude (Dana's been gnawing on that bone all week) and now we find a Tumblr named Laura who's over 30 and married. (Married? Yes, married! Sheesh.) Please try to suppress the overwhelming urge to close this window immediately. Let's assume there are extenuating circumstances. This much we know: she wants to quit her job, she's begging YM for a backstage pass to the boom boom room and even though she's got the Minnesota thing going for her, Rex Sorgatz is not on her radar. That's good enough for us.

Following Young Manhattanite Tumblr Questionnaire

What's your background?
I'm a ridiculously sweet girl from Minnesota with a wicked sense of humor. Okay, I'm not really all that sweet but that's what people think of us flyover state types. Anyway, I went to Minnetonka High School and grew up on the lake of the same name. And while most bloggers were born the year this movie came out (Purple Rain), I have frequently bathed in the waters of Lake Minnetonka. Yes, like every good Minnesotan...I love Prince even through the creepy symbol years. Anyway, I hated high school and couldn't wait to get the fuck out of Dodge...which led to scenic Oxford, Ohio (the furthest place my parents would let me go). I then went to law school and discovered I hate lawyers. Which led to my twenties where I lived in seven cities in six years. I will soon be 33 and I still have no idea what the fuck I want to do with my life. So, I blog. I like long walks on the beach and writing with parentheticals.

Why are you following us?
It started with Berhle and his Kats. Then like a good contrarian, refused to leave when you all were trying to get rid of your followers. Then I realized that you guys are pretty funny.

What era, day or event in blogging history would you like to re-live?
Well, I fondly remember that one time...ummm...yeah...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? BLOGGING HISTORY???

Who do you consider to be the greatest blogger of all-time?
First - the greatest blogger of all-time should be in all caps. Its really the only way to truly capture the absurdity of that notion. That said, there are some really great writers and fucking funny people in this world. Those are the bloggers I respect rather than the overthinkers and oversharers. I, of course, fall into the latter camp which fits squarely into my whole self-loathing emo blogging m.o.

What's your blogging motto?
Censor. Censor. Censor. It's sad just how much I don't share.

Describe that low moment when you thought you just might have to leave blogging for good.
I still can't believe that girl posted that money shot. It makes me sad. Which made me realize how badly feminism/equality has missed the mark. Which made me feel old. The I got pissed at myself for caring cause this angry contrarian makes a point of not caring about such things.

So, yeah, that and all the Sex And The City blogging.

What was the last thing you read on Gothamist?
Honestly, I don't have an answer for you on this one. Is that bad?

If you could change one thing about blogging, what would it be?
All the bloody posturing. Just like I'm doing right now.

What was your best or most expensive medication experience just after midnight on a summer Saturday?
Well, it didn't happen in the summer and happened on a Friday but once I experimented with a certain pharmaceutical while visiting a friend in Chicago. I completely lost my shit and spent a couple hundred bucks on a one-way ticket so I could get back to New York City. All my other medicinal experiences happened when I was in college where I did so much damage to my brain cells I honestly cannot remember much about them beyond the fact that I still can't listen to techno without losing my mind.

Would you consider dating one of us, only for 24 hours, if it meant the opportunity to meet the lowest branches of New York's reblogosphere?
Well, I made the mistake of telling you guys that I'm married which apparently made me as attractive as an STD. Yes, it's true. I'm off the market but sleep easy boys...my marriage certificate listed my pre-marriage status as "spinster." Who wants to date an old married spinster anyway?