Report from the Field: Number Two! Number Two!

Ah, Democracy. You can't beat it -- something fucking Shelly Silver is banking on. So much so that in my sleep he gerrymandered my fucking district! Yeah, and that prick Brian Kavanaugh (I voted for you, bitch!) was out pimping for him. After running on the 'throw the bums out' ticket.

Turns out a really narrow sliver of District 74 buts down below Houston. I guess I really am still an East Villager. So I march in one of the 17 schools on my block, armed with a printout with very specific instructions about where I should vote. And am reprimanded by a door worker for my temerity (and better info). Who pours through a book, and promptly tells me the wrong district. This is what happened when I went for the presidential primary. I gave up that time, thinking in a fit of progressive angst I had registered as a Green or something. But I checked, and no, my name is somewhere in this fucking building. Since I am the only voter there, I command a certain about of public service attention.

I go to the next table, where I show my card, and they send me to another table. Wrong again. This woman seems like she can dial a phone, so I show my card to her, and with a bit of under her breath 'I am surrounded by fools', she walks me over to table number four, where she wakes up the poll worker so I can vote. There is lots of discussion about how to fill in a card and where to write my voter number. Number Two. That's me (always the bridesmaid, you know?).

You know how they train them to reset the machines? She yells (and I mean yells, since Methadone Joe is nodding off again), 'Did you flush the toilet?' He turns, distracted (it's been six or so seconds she she last spoke to him, so the inattention is, you know, reasonable). He repeats the up-and-down motion on the side of the voting machine, and I go do my business. I have only three races, and I don't know shit about the other two, so I do what I always do when faced with such a conundrum: I voted for the women. Someday the Republicans are going to get wise to that kind of thinking.

There was no place for me to piss.