The Revolution is Over motherfucker. It's just an anthology from now on. talk to me 40 years from now and ill have a story to tell you.

But at least the new media hierarchy has been put to rest, if only for now. Fourth generation Trotskyites, all.

Holiday Bonus

Where were you during the Young Manhattan Blackout of 2007?

Neil Perry - "Trips to Baltimore"

The Y More Than This

I sometimes forget that Young Manhattan is a self-promoting Jewish cultural/community non-profit blog. I know, weird. But we have fans in all the right places, and damn, if Jewschool is worth 50 shekel, then we have been a Jew blog since the word please-don't-fire-me. And I know if you are going to be a proper Jew blog, you need to do only one thing: Ask a lot of questions.

SO WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON AT THE Y?

Have you seen a thing or two in all your years of broadcast journalism? Well, you're not Mike Wallace. (audio)

Rusty on your rolling Russkiy yazyk? That's what I said. (video)

How much weight have you gained in the last month? That's rhetorical, don't tell!

Who's got the best cheese and wine tastings in the city? WHO??

Is it ever untimely to recite 9/11 poetry? Not for Ani DiFranco. (video)

What do two old Nobel Laureate scientists talk about when they get together? The secret of life, of course. (audio)

How current are you with French Canadian urban dance collectives? Probably not very. (video)

Have you ever imagined religious architecture as a vaginal cavity? Gloria Steinem has. (audio)

Think you're smarter than Malcolm Gladwell? I hate to burst your balloon. (video)

Are Jews Closet Conservatives? Really? (audio)

Like old pictures of New York? Have we got a timeline for you.

Still sitting around bored with your 3 year old? Do what Tiki Barber does.

Did you know Harry Connick, Jr.'s first home in NYC was at the Y? Do you care?

Grow up in the South or ever been to the South? Clarence Thomas talks about the South. (audio)

Read any good books lately? Shalom Auslander: Second Coming (video)

Seen any good movies lately? Maybe it was filmed at the Y.

Love to read classical music program notes? Of course you do.

Have a baby who won't sleep? Knock 'em over the head with this! Dr. Marc Weissbluth: Sleep Smarts (video/audio)

[YM is still a music blog.]

YM Reclusive: Choire Sicha Calls Vanessa Grigoriadis On Her Big Fat Greek Lying

David Brooks, Vanessa Grigoriadis: Throwing a Fire Party* in Their Pants?

Choire Sicha woke up on the wrong side of a post-Christmas "no views, no food" coma yesterday and rudely nudged YM's hibernating Gawker Obsession. He's such a broadsheet hog. Before we even had a chance to set the toaster oven to the Today Show, he's feverishly pacing the bedroom and boring us with his byzarro dreams, sloppy yawning about one-eyed, wanton lying red-faced media eaters. Apparently his nocturnal cork blew when he felt surrounded by a closing wall of mendacities with no cup to hold his detaching teeth. Follow? I hope not. Background, hit snooze as needed.

What kept us under the covers of this story all day was Choire's ultra-weird sneaky attack on David Brooks. In praising Vanessa Grigoriadis's October (surprise!) Gawker feature in NY magazine as one of the best essays of the year (surprised?), Brooks made the feh-tell mistake of believing and repeating Vanessa's reportage on the history of Gawker employee pay. Aaaaaaah!!! According to Choire, it's "all lies!" but instead of smoking out the quoted source (Vanessa) he goes the proxy newspaper route with a "bad journalism" bong hit on old bag Brooks. (Checked Fact: He's over 45, that's old.)

The liar accusation is pretty serious, LIKE DEAD SERIOUS, in journalistic circles so you better have your shit squared when triangulating a claim. In this ALL-IMPORTANT SCENARIO, it is absurdly reckless to place any blame on Brooks who was just doing a blogger's work of commenting on someone else's piece. So what's the deal with Choire's redirected anger? How does Vanessa G. feel about being called a liar? Why didn't Choire correct her when the article originally surfaced? Or now? Was a correction even needed? Is the information actually false? (I remember when pay was the equivalent of $8.33/post and pay-for-performance has never been a secret.) Does that make Choire THE LIAR?? <--Questions!

*Link added to maintain our music cred, though I'm sure 99 would have preferred if it was Scrawl.

Officially It's a Half-Day (On My Stereotheist* Side)

Dana and 99 reminded me this is a music blog. I have no lists or iPod stories (though I can count to ten (but four is easier) and mine died unceremoniously the other week too) for you today. I have to go to work.

Note to YouTubers: Put your fuckin' shit together and get some Circus Lupus on the 425x355.

Previous Monorchid:

What We Need Is More Than This

Abyss

Sink the West Coast

*No one has effectively used this before?? If it weren't for the 'Gum, that name would be beefaroni as a music blog.

He Ain't Heavy, He's my 40 Year Old (Damn!) Brother

Crofton Parkway, 1972. This is a guest post from my oldest brother Peter, second from the right.

I read Robert Stone's Remembering the Sixties. He's one of the writers from that era I really never heard of before. He was in the Navy during the 50s and wrote eloquently about the culture divide of dope. Although a contemporary of Ken Kessey, he never was "on the bus"...well, the bus stopped at his house in northern Manhattan as it drove from Oregon to Flushing, Queens for the '64 World Fair. So, as he said, his bus ride could have been done better with a subway token.

His best thought in the book was about the Manson family killing in Hollywood. In addition to the very dead Sharon Tate, it killed the hippie movement. He said some wondered if the killings were not a Military Nixon White House setup.

Other 60s note. I watched Tom Brokaw's 1968 History Channel program. It was OK, but it seemed mainly comprised of leftover interviews from Dateline/NBC Nightly News. The best one was of Arlo Guthrie who said they used to view marijuana as more organic than beer and liquor. Brokaw asked if anything had changed since those days, and Arlo's reply was the 70s/80s/90s had indeed changed his mindset - that Whiskey was not bad after all.

Bonus family story: Our mother, with Andy about 3 mos in utero, got a babysitter (I was almost 3, Jason a mere 1.5 yrs) and took our 50s frat square father to her younger cousin's dorm party at Princeton on the night Hendrix died, September 1970. So, dad, with a beer in hand, addresses the room at some point to ask if they heard the news that a musician died, Jimmy something. The crowd replied, most likely with joint in hand, "what the hell do you think we're here for?"

[Ed. note: You may recognize this as the "you guys playing cards?" scene from Animal House.]

CORRECTION: Mother Krucoff says the Hendrix revelation occurred at a Bar Mitzvah after-party in Baltimore. The Princeton trip was "another thing."

Pushing the family blogwagon even farther, she also got all Blottered on us. She wrote this morning with the subject, "Crofton Crime Wave":

Last week the next door neighbor's 50" TV was stolen from their home in broad daylight, between 10:00am and 4:00pm. Three neighbors on the block are in law enforcement and had their police cars parked on the street at the time. This morning dad woke me at 7:00am to tell me someone had stolen our red Honda Civic!! Along with many CDs. Hope the bastards like listening to Nat King Cole, the 4 Aces and Doris Day.

I dunno, stock up on tasers or something. We're pretty excited about the new season of The Wire too.

Shrinking Violet: Lesson Learned

And so my spotty, mostly absentee tenure here as a Young Manhattanite comes to a close, and in a couple of days most of my stuff will be with the USPS on the way to San Francisco and the rest will be in a carry-on bag with me as I fly to Seattle in the wee hours Saturday morning to see family for the holidays. If anyone cares to catch me before I depart, my good friend and fellow NYU alum Topaz is playing the Lion's Den on Friday a little before midnight. Tickets are ten bucks, and it's a good show if you like straight-ahead, funky jazz.



But that's about as far as the connections with fellow Violets go -- thankfully I won't have to help recent NYU graduates I've never met get work like those Ivy League kids. Never worked for me the other way around, so it's not like I'm obligated. And no, NYU, I won't be donating any money to the alumni organization. School's over, I'm moving on.

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That is assuming I didn't fail physics (and that assumption isn't easily come by, considering how poorly I understood the math, but the professor seemed to suggest otherwise -- I wonder if there isn't a "pass this kid and get him the hell out of here" note on my record). I'm now the proud owner of a BFA, and the diploma better be dipped in platinum and have my name spelled in blood diamonds, considering how much was spent on it all told. New York University: a public school education at private school prices!

And hey, at least I now know for certain that I was right, I don't particularly like living in New York, and I left for a reason. Great town, great history, mostly great people, and the subway system is to die for. But the weather fucking sucks, the politics are more reactionary than I remember, and beyond the bagels and pizza the food is pretty meh, especially at the price. New York: You can have it!

Okay, maybe I'm a little hard on New York and New York University. It wasn't that bad, certainly. I have a lot of fond memories, I did actually learn some stuff along the way, and I met some people I'll never forget. The point is, for all you youngsters dreaming of becoming Young Manhattanites out there, is that you don't have to. Nor for you NYU film students do you have to move to LA. There are lives and educations and plenty of other stuff in cities that are much less annoying, not to mention much less expensive.

Let me disabuse your romantic notions if I may. Look where my willingness to sacrifice myself for art got me? I'm a 31 year old alcoholic in debt with bad credit and a degree (knock on wood) in the arts. Sure, I'm on speaking terms with a good portion of Forbes-minted "Web Celebs," but try paying your bills with that. My chances of becoming a homeowner are slim to none, and Slim left town when the sub-prime mortgage market went belly-up. I'm only hanging on to life in San Francisco because if I don't there'll hardly be anyone left to complain about privatization of public resources.

Where to go from here? I hear that San Francisco State has a good teacher's certificate program. And you know what a teaching certificate means? A good union job with good union benefits and three months off each year to travel and pursue a subsidized masters degree and a pay grade bump. The boss, who complimented me on my existence "outside the system" will be happy to know that my life goals have been reduced to corrupting the young with Marxist philosophy while sucking on the municipal teat.

And to tell you the truth, I'm really looking forward to it.

The sorta-ides of AIDS awareness month (or, an excuse for me to kvetch)

Remember when Krucoff was going through his pious stage? I miss that. Herewith is mines, not like it ever ended. I have a talent for being a self-righteous dickhead, and I don't even have the justification of working in the nonprofit sector. I'm a copywriter. I'm not a Completely Evil Copywriter, however, so that's why I'd like to draw your attention to the image on the left. Click on the pic to view it close up, because otherwise you won't be able to fully grok what I'm talking about.

So here on the left we have a print ad for Equinox Gym. A sweaty gym queen emerging from the locker room (or perhaps the steam room, ahem), accompanied by the copy, "LIFE = OUTLIVING YOUR ENEMIES." On the right, for comparison, I've added the iconic SILENCE = DEATH ad campaign made famous by ACT UP. It's been 20 years since SILENCE = DEATH was born, and I'm sure Larry Kramer would agree when I say You've come a long way, baby.

(The Gays are not to blame for this, of course. Anyone who works in the advertising world knows that it's full of dudes like this guy, who "appropriate" Minor Threat covers for Nike ads, and this guy, who comes back to creative with shit like this.)

I wonder if whoever did this Equinox ad campaign is even old enough to recall the halcyon days when people actually *did* die of AIDS and outlive their enemies and whatnot. Could we just have some fucking accountability, some standards in the ad world? I know, I know, I need to learn to be less doctrinaire, and I have other things I should be freaking out about right now. Viz. 4.5 percent, you say? O RLY. Why don't you talk to these people and see what they have to say?

PS Fuck Christmas.

Edit: See, this is what happens when you're impatient. I emailed Copyranter about this the other day because I was all "now that I don't have a blog how can I show that I care about evil and social injustice" and then I realized yesterday "WAIT I DO HAVE A BLOG (sort of)" and then after I posted this he posted this. Hooray, sometimes you just can't win.

ALSO BREAKING: YM Commenter "Splat" Says Sploid Is "Back Up And Being Tested", Asks Why, As YM Wonders Whether Splat Is Drudge's Mole At Gawker.

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UPDATE: Anyone know's whose Gibson guitar this is? This is what matters most. I seem to recall seeing a guitar in Guy Cimbalo's room a long time ago. Nah, couldn't be...

UPDATE UPDATE: Word is Sploid is not on the rebound, we are sorry to report. Just another dumping ground for bloggery detritus, s'all. Yeah, yeah, we know that's an oxymoron... Also, looks like Times is the one with the leaky tub. Or maybe Nick is playing both sides of the fences, all Kissinger-like. Who knows? Splat: what say you?

BREAKING: Ambitious Heckler Says Drudge Says Denton To Be Managing Editor of Gawker In 2008. Developing. Apparently.

Further updates as events warrant. Or not. Either way, even Krucoff has to admit it's a great move. Just don't ask him to go on record about it.

Also: Drudge?!

Young Manhattan is Nathan Barley: Just Another Self-Facilitating Media Node.

Aren't you glad you left London and decided not to quit your dayjob?

Chipmunk Punk'd

Moose, Rocco, help the judge find his checkbook.

Chinatown Garbage Taxidermy Tour Tonight

I know there's like a snowstorm coming or something. But..er...uuhh.... actually nevermind you should really, really definitely stay home because there's a snowstorm coming. What the hell am I thinking? Well, I'm contractually obligated to be here tonight digging through the garbage, so if you feel like doing something insane, I'll be there. I promise to keep it too the point. Warm drinks after as per usual.

YM Krautrocknacht! Or, It's Gotta Be More Than Just A Suzuki Thing...

From Stockhausen to his student, Holger Czukay, wearer of mustaches and bassist to the anarchist collective that is Can. These days, Krautrock's been consigned to nerdy insiderism, but as the television audience will tell you, that's all just a construct, man. And so we enjoy the music for what it is worth, which is a lot. And imagine that if YM had any musical ability whatsoever, this is what we'd be doing on a Saturday night. This is what office monkeys the world over would be listening to on FM Radio today, stuck on the I-95 on the way back from another grueling day at work, if the Velvet Underground hasn't mucked it up and let Sgt. Pepper beat 'em to the punch.

Next: NEU!

UPDATE: We've swapped with Spoon, since there's been some complaints. We're nothing if not interactive.

Never put me in your box if your shit eats tapes

It's been, what, four weeks now? And this blogging strike has gotten me nowhere. Over at YM HQ, they're farting through silk, doing sweet fuck-all. I'm not waiting till the Rapture to get my goddamned rewards, do you hear me, Krucoff? I want a raise.

I need a raise because I need to buy another iPod, Krucoff. Never mind the fact that every iPod I've owned thus far has bricked on me after an average of 18 months. I'm a lame-ass pseudocreative "iconoclast" who will buy anything that's marketed as even remotely unique or hip and makes me feel like I'm commodifying my dissent. This next one will be my fourth. In the meantime, I will make due with my Walkman. [Ed note: Interesting that Firefox's spellcheck recognizes "Walkman" but not "iPod."] I found it last night in the Drawer of Obsolescence, along with three discarded cell phones, a broken digital camera, and a hand mirror with smeared fingerprints.
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The Walkman is about 15 years old, yet unlike my iPod, which was two years old when it expired last week, IT STILL FUCKING FUNCTIONS. Because I never throw anything away--vindicated at last!--I still have a box of tapes, including the fluorescent Maxells with recordings of WRPI shows from 1989 (Crystal Shit! Plastic Bertrand! Revolting Cocks?) and a mix I made for a party circa 1993, which I listened to this morning on my way to work: Jesus, whatever happened to Son of Bazerk? Eek, Erasure's cover of "Take a Chance on Me." Fishbone, interesting choice. Adam and the Ants; ahead of the curve or sadly behind? "Date Rape" by A Tribe Called Quest, acceptable. Something by Desmond Dekker, ok. "Oh Shit," by Pharcyde. And of course, at the end of side B, there's Suicide's "Frankie Teardrop," for when you want everyone to leave.

I have "Wig Out at Denko's" for the ride home. The bonus of having a Walkman is that everyone who sees it thinks you're crazy.

Dag Nasty, "Values Here" (P.S. I found out the other day that Dave Smalley's a fucking republican, so let me know if you want any more of his mp3s, I will gladly distribute them.)

Update on building the Human from animal parts

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What's It All Mean??

From: Publicity Coordinator
Date: Dec 10, 2007 11:51 AM
Subject: Time Out New York: Bloggers vs Critics

Greetings:

Now that cranking out a blog is easier than getting a library card, what does this new panoply of voices means for the institution of criticism?

As print and the Web collide, the "everyone's a critic" cliché is becoming fact. Time Out New York asked the city's most interesting tastemakers what that means for the future of their craft—and how you can get on board.

{click image to enlarge}

Stockhausen Is Dead, Long Live Stockhausen!

Another great is gone. Brought to you in YM's spirit of obscurantism. And because we are a music blog.

We'll be taking more dives into Germany's post-war music scene over the next couple of days, all magazine-like. Someone's gotta keep order around here.

Your Place Smells Nice

Shit, fourth night of Hanukkah and I didn't prepare anything to give! Here are some quickies.

To Nick Denton: How To Save Gawker - Pay Radosh, a fearlessly smart, funny and real writer/blogger/journalist (trifecta!), whatever it takes to make him managing editor (he should have replaced Choire looooong ago) and go HuffPo-style with a bazillion carefully hand-picked contributors who could represent a wide intellectual spectrum (yeah, I don't know what that means) and run the full gamut of "quirky" (love that word!) personalities. Ex. Balk's Cock = Gutfield, you get the picture. This was in fact my idea to Lock around Mohney's time.

To Choire Sicha: A Grasp of Web Traffic Analytics and Audience Measurement. If I had something to pull from behind the Ironic Curtain to represent this, it would probably be a big chain necklace with a parking meter head.

Bible Rewrite Project (improved)

Main points of my re-written (Genesis 1-3):

1. Heaven is the place where the grandest animals are sewn together.

2. Before animals or man existed on earth, Nate created seeds that grew animal parts from them.

3. Nate took these parts growing from the plants and trees and sewed together the first animals of the earth.

4. Nate set these animals loose to reproduce. Yes, the sewn together animals can reproduce among by themselves.

5. Nate decreed that these first animals that He made are only prototypes. They are blank canvases for man to improvise upon.

6. Nate grew the first human being from the earth. The brain came from a flower. The arms and legs came from a tree trunk. Nate took these pieces and sewed them together to make the first human being. Then he breathed into its mouth and gave it life.

7. Nate took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to explore the possibilities of creation and make new animals. That was why Nate made man.

8. Adam was free to use any animal parts in the garden, but he was forbidden by Nate to sew animal parts from the tree of knowledge to his own body.

9. To make a helper for Adam, Nate sewed all the animals we have today together from the animal parts that were scattered in the tress.

10. Adam could not find a suitable companion from the animals Nate made, so Adam made a companion from his own body with the help of Nate. The parts literally grew from Adams body after Nate put him in a deep sleep. When he awoke, Adam sewed the pieces together.

11. Nate made the serpent.

12. The serpent tells Eve that she will not die if she sews animal parts from the tree of knowledge onto herself. The serpent tells her that she will become like Nate if she does so, knowing good and evil. She believes him and sews a leopard tail onto her back. She gave walrus teeth to Adam who sewed them to his gums. They then lost their innocence and knew they were without clothes.

13. Nate punishes the snake for his trickery by making him the only
animal in the kingdom who will not be a canvas for man or woman to add limbs unto.

14. Nate punishes Adam by making his day to day work very hard.

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New main points from Genesis 4:

1. Eve gave birth to two sons, Cain and Abel.

2. Both sons brought gifts to Nate. Cain brought a gift of fruit while Abel brought a homemade lamb with sewn on seal feet.

3. Nate preferred Abel's new animal gift. This made Cain angry. So much that Cain killed his brother Abel.

4. Nate cursed Cain for the murder he committed. He also made it so Cain would never be able to make a new animal gift suitable for Nate even if he tried.

5. Cain felt he was being punished too much, and he would be killed for his offence against Nate, so Nate protected his life against murder.

And now back to The Bible Rewrite Project...

NOTE: Original Text appears in Italics. Rewrite follows in Plain Text.

Genesis 4

Cain Kills Abel

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived and bore Cain, and said, "I have gotten a man from the LORD." And she again bore his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.

Cain Kills Abel

The man lay with his wife Eve and she gave birth to a son, Cain. She said, "I have given birth to a man with the help of Nate." Next she gave birth to his brother, Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was the one who worked the ground.

And in process of time it came to pass that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD. And Abel also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering; but unto Cain and to his offering He had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. And the LORD said unto Cain, "Why art thou wroth? And why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him."

The day came where offerings were brought to Nate. Cain brought a gift of fruit, but Abel appeared with a lamb he created himself. The lamb swam with sewn-on webbed seal feet. Nate said, "Very intriguing, Abel," and He showed favor to the webbed creature. And He neglected Cain and his gift. Cain became very angry. Then Nate said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why are you looking down? Will not your face be happy if you do well? If you do not do well, sin is waiting to destroy you. Its desire is to rule over you, but you must rule over it."

And Cain talked with Abel his brother; and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and slew him.

Cain told this to his brother Abel. And when they were in the field, Cain stood up against his brother Abel and killed him.

And the LORD said unto Cain, "Where is Abel thy brother?" And he said, "I know not. Am I my brother's keeper?" And He said, "What hast thou done? The voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto Me from the ground. And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand. When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength. A fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be on the earth."

Then Nate said to Cain, "Where is Abel your brother?" And he said, "I do not know. Am I my brother's keeper?" Nate said, "What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to Me from the ground. I asked only for a proper gift from you, Cain. Now you are cursed because of the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. If you try to make a gift as Abel achieved, the animal parts in your hands will no longer give their strength to you. You might as well add feet to the snake. You will find it nearly impossible to make a gift suitable for Me. You will always travel from place to place on the earth and struggle to sew animals together with any grace."

And Cain said unto the LORD, "My punishment is greater than I can bear. Behold, Thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth, and from Thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond on the earth. And it shall come to pass that every one who findeth me shall slay me."

Then Cain said to Nate, "I am being punished more than I can take! See, this day You have banished me from my home. And I will be hidden from Your face. I will run away and move from place to place. And whoever finds me will kill me."

And the LORD said unto him, "Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold." And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.

So Nate said to him, "Whoever kills Cain will be punished by Me seven times worse." And Nate put a mark on Cain so that any one who found him would not kill him.

And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod to the east of Eden. And Cain knew his wife, and she conceived and bore Enoch. And he built a city, and called the name of the city after the name of his son, Enoch. And unto Enoch was born Irad; and Irad begot Mehujael, and Mehujael begot Methushael, and Methushael begot Lamech. And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah. And Adah bore Jabal; he was the father of those who dwell in tents, and of those who have cattle. And his brother's name was Jubal; he was the father of all those who handle the harp and organ. And Zillah, she also bore Tubalcain, an instructor of every artificer in brass and iron; and the sister of Tubalcain was Naamah.

Then Cain went away from the face of Nate, and stayed in the land of Nod, east of Eden. Cain lay with his wife and she gave birth to Enoch. Cain built a city and gave it the name of Enoch, the name of his son. Now Irad was born to Enoch. And Irad became the father of Mehujael. Mehujael became the father of Methushael. And Methushael became the father of Lamech. Lamech took two wives for himself. The name of one was Adah. And the name of the other was Zillah. Adah gave birth to Jabal. He was the father of those who live in tents and have cattle. His brother's name was Jubal. He was the father of all those who play the harp and the horn. Zillah gave birth to Tubal-cain who made things from brass and iron. The sister of Tubal-cain was Naamah.

And Lamech said unto his wives, "Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; ye wives of Lamech, hearken unto my speech! For I have slain a man for my wounding, and a young man for my hurt. If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold."

And Lamech said to his wives, "Adah and Zillah, listen to my voice. Hear what I say, you wives of Lamech. For I have killed a man for hurting me, and a boy for hitting me. If those who hurt Cain are punished seven times worse, then those who hurt Lamech will be punished seventy-seven times worse."

And Adam knew his wife again; and she bore a son and called his name Seth. "For God," said she, "hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew." And to Seth also there was born a son, and he called his name Enosh. Then began men to call upon the name of the LORD.

Adam laid with his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and gave him the name Seth. For she said, "Nate has let me have another son in the place of Abel, for Cain killed him." A son was born to Seth also, and he gave him the name Enosh. Then men began to call upon the name of Nate.

So Many "Top" Jokes, None of Them Funny

On the third night of Hanukkah (are you feeling it yet??), I am offering one YM reader something very special - the opportunity to see Malcolm Gladwell speak at the Y on Monday. (Oh, a whole new slew of programs went on sale today. It's not consumerism when you spend non-profit!) I think he'll be performing magic tricks for the first time on stage. I am going with Rex, his friend Robin of Snarkmarket and I have one extra ticket. Afterwards we'll be talking up some serious blog shit. OFF THE RECORD. Earmuffs (made from Gladwell's curlies) will burn! I can't say what you have to do or how I am selecting, but it's fair to assume that the arbitrary methodology is only surpassed by the indescribable sincerity of this offer.

I Was Dressed as a Maccabee, Not a Fuckin' Dreidel

More on Jewcy.

On the second night of Hanukkah, we give you the Federation-fretting cartoon stylings of Eli Valley with the help of David Kelsey.

Really Love Your Olives, Want To Shake Your Trees

I generally shy away from being vain enough to plaster my face here (or do I??) but this is a gift to Sac on the first day of Hanukkah. I'm standing on a dead and naked Julia Allison.

Bad Hanukkah: Hitchens (Radosh has the best response)
Not That Bad Hanukkah: Jewcy (you finally got me at "lessening consumerism")

Acceptance Speech

I'd just like to thank God first. Thanks for helping me to not sound too gay in the recent interview on "Love and Radio". As I speak, I'm trying to bring some extra bass into my voice. As a side note, after listening to that interview, I now understand why chicks are soooo freaked out by me at bars even after I've offered them lotsa free drugs. This latest bit of promotional material is not only that but is a great educational tool for me personally.

Wow, I can't believe this is happening! Thank you so much...Mom, Dad, my brother, Arika. And I'd just like to express my gratitude to all the animals that gave their lives for my art. What I do, would not have been possible if it were not for all the animals that died to make it possible.

YM EXCLUSIVE: First Exit Interview with Gawker Media Star

While change ripples through Gawker Media like piggy-bucket day at a Coinstar, one of the more interesting developments comes from its Saturday night Dairy Queen hangout, Jalopnik. Refugee Huguenot Michael Spinelli, perhaps the most "pure" writer in the Gawker stable (save your ethanol and banana peels, people, get this man a book deal!) has jumped his personal Snake River Canyon -- that would be New Rochelle Reservoir Number 3 -- and stepped down from being the site's managing (and founding) editor with a goodbye post that successfully crashes the proverbial low-flying helicopter into the dune buggy it was chasing.

krucoff: you didn't fool me with that changing of the guard post. i successfully translated all of the italian references into their westchester counterparts.
mikespinnn: haha
krucoff: bacciagaloops blanket the isle of san souci. whortleberry island, to a lesser extent.
mikespinnn: actually, I'm hiding out behind the Davenport club
mikespinnn: picking up EVDO signals bounced off some guido's silver BMW 7-Series
mikespinnn: Zoe is actually a rat I've named "Crackiswack"
krucoff: you traveled down to kingsbridge to get her from a special breeder, right?
mikespinnn: yes! You go to the tire-repair shop near the EL and ask for "Peanuts"
mikespinnn: they do some Santeria shit
krucoff: so whats next? (in my best white newscaster from the 70s voice)
mikespinnn: just freelance for now, and fielding a tempting offer from Camshaft and Flywheel
mikespinnn: you should see their cafeteria. free Salisbury Steak.
krucoff: you should sail the world in a subaru
mikespinnn: that's a good idea
krucoff: i've heard about their atrium, though it's actually just a basement with a pachinko machine.
mikespinnn: yes! And once in a while you can see the owner, Sy Schmacktentrough entertaining advertisers while his brother tries to reconcile the books upstairs
krucoff: but great lobby, amazing auto art - clocks that tell the price of gas in all 50 states
krucoff: so, freelance, you gonna try to branch out and do more "lifestyle" stuff?
krucoff: i could imagine you writing for men's vogue or esquire (not that i read those magazines but i can imagine)
mikespinnn: actually, I'd take the Men's Vogue gig -- they do some pretty cool car stuff
mikespinnn: i'm doing something for Maxim
mikespinnn: and still with the Wired thing
krucoff: very cool. that's what i meant. interesting car stuff with mags not car-specific.
mikespinnn: yeah -- they seem to all want to pick up car ads
mikespinnn: so they're all doing more car content
mikespinnn: one word, kid, cars
krucoff: ranger rick could probably use a kick-ass piece on environmental-friendly ATVs
mikespinnn: i'd totally do that

Since Mike and I go waaaaay back (dare I even say he's MY FRIEND?) to the chrome rush days of the late 90s and he, with Chris Gage, brought me into this blogging world, he has agreed to occasionally post here on YM from time to time if he ever gets the urge to write about something that doesn't monetarily belong anywhere else.